you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
