I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
