But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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