i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
