She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
