Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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