I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
