you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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