??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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