we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
