so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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