I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
