how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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