When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
