So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Where is the hickey?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Randomize
