I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Randomize
