I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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