The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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