come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Sorry about my life...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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