from now on my penis is your penis
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
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