gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
