I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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