he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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