If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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