youre lurking in front of me
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
