She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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