I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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