Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
