Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
