I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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