would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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