I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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