just survived the first fart of the relationship.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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