She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
