I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
