We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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