Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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