Midget sex pt 2 tonight
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
