Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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