i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
