So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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