I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
