At least make sure they are 18
Why
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
