Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
