Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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