So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
