fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
