I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
