Plan B is the new Plan A
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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