I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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