I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
