i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
