I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
