I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
