I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
