It's like God shit irony all over that family
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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