he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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