careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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